the one where rafe was told to quit writing like a philospher and speak the plain english

To Whom It May Concern:

So a few events have brought to my attention the fact
that my emails sound more like English essays more
than anything else. The first being the driver of one
"Dewey" who accosted me at the temple grounds this
past Sunday. And the second instance being copies of
my emails as found in a package from home. After
reading my own writing, I think the intent is now in
the open - you aren't looking for an English essay.
Apparently after 12 weeks of residency here at the
MTC, I have yet to discourse on the actual happenings
and comings/goings in the MTC. So I will outline a
usual day... starting with the night before a "usual"
day.

The night is dark, stormy. I can see my tree. You
know, the one sitting right outside our classroom
window? He is being tossed to and fro in the tempest.
But this is no time to concern myself with a tree. I
focus back on the board... Finnish grammar.
Impossible. This particular lesson is entitled the
"shark chart". Whether it means we should be willing
to cast ourselves into a pool of sharks after learning
it... or if it is merely a symbol for these particular
cases, I know not. Present Active Case: the eating
man "syova mies". Past Active: the man who has eaten
"syonyt mies”. Present Passive: the edible man
"syotava mies". Past Passive: the man who has been
eaten "syoty mies". On the board is a diagram of a
man in a hot dog bun to help us understand "edibele".
Hmm. This is doing wonders for my appetite around
dinner time.

But alas, we make for the cafeteria after hours of
grueling grammar, only to find actual gruel for
dinner! Just kidding. But it was probably some
inedible casserole. If my cat back home can eat the
same thing every night, so can I!

Elder Mackay and his companion are already eating.
They make a quick complaint about how they have so
little to study each day.....how pleasant. Instantly
they go back to their conversation considering we have
to "SYL" and they seem to think "kuudos" answers every
question in Finnish. I think they are attempting to
say "kiitos" meaning "thank you"... but that's besides
the point.

After saying no kuudos to seconds, Sisar Jolley,
Vanhin Struthers and myself speed race to the mail
room. POSTI "MAIL"! Ahhh a copious amount of Dear
Elders for me! No time to read though, it's time to
put on the blue suit to a chorus of "For British Eyes
Only"... our song. It is said that James Bond is put
to shame by my sweet threads. In fact, I look so
"elegant" to the security guard that we are able to
bypass the line going to devotional and go through our
secret escape hatch to get some sweet pickins at
seats. And, my seat is next to a former colleague at
the Y. So naturally we strike up a conversation
about the Singing Revolution in Estonia thanks to my
father's latest letter.

Our conversation goes into the prelude singing. But
then, we are interrupted by an abrupt entrance of
Elder Cook of the Twelve into the room. Very well, I
guess he has the right to interrupt our terribly
pertinent discourse. He shares a message about the
importance of "Preach My Gospel", which is important.
And worthy of our District's consideration at our
District Meeting following Elder Cook's remarks.

I'm sure the discussion was insightful and moving, but
the song after our meeting was most moving... Elder
Mackay and I arm-in-arm singing, "Abide With Me 'Tis
Even'tide". This he chose on the eve of his
departure. Upon returning to the dorms, we spend the
evening in deep Gospel and in hopeful wishes for the
future. We then end the evening in a rousing assembly
of "Herra olkoon tiella kanssasi" "God Be With You
Till We meet Again". We sang as sailors in the midst
of a tempest who know their fate. A title like, "A
Walk to Remember" could not make our farewell any more
sappy.

Elder Mackay woke me early the next morning. How? I
really am not sure, it probably included him yoinking
me out from my covers. But I did walk him to the
door. Somehow I found in me that early, to raise my
arms...."Hurrah for Israel" we shouted. And the words
pierced me even as I laid back under the covers... I
think. I was rather tired though.

Later we headed for the temple. Did a session with
Finnish names from Sister Packard. An army of us
gathered for the cause of righteousness.

Splendid.

Vanhin Gandhi

P.S. Oh, so I talked to some man on the phone for
about an hour. Senile. Already a member. I thought
I was going to convert him the whole time until he
confessed he just wanted to talk…